This is for you if you are engaging in some online dating and want to up your game, OR if you know someone who is, OR if you would enjoy some entertainment this fine Monday in solidarity with your dating friends and allies.
Don’t post topless photos. Unless someone has snapped you actively sailing or surfing. But no gym photos, or bathroom selfies displaying your 8 pack. Ladies aren’t dumb. They know you’re fine.When you post your 8 pack it screams something you don’t want it to scream; like superficial, or self absorbed or insecure. Let your 8 pack be the icing on the cake. Let it be the surprise. Don’t lead with it. It sends the wrong message. I guarantee. You may get a few gals looking for good times –and if that is what you want post all of those 8 packs on Tinder. But for anyone relationship seeking. Just. Don’t. Do. It.
Do —post a front facing smiling eye contacting photo of you, first and foremost. As relaxed as you can, as warm as you can, as laughing and smiling as you can. Because that’s going to be you in a relationship. Laughing and smiling. That’s who you are looking to engage, and engage with.
Don’t cover yourself up. Men, don’t wear a hat in every photo. If you’re bald, that’s sexy, to the right person for you, 100 percent. Women, yes post the lovely photos, but be real about it. Don’t be so glam that you’re going to be sweating blood on the first date. Flatter yourself, but don’t drop 5 sizes with photoshop. Embrace your curves if you have them.
Do —post photos of you that you love and feel good about. Ones that you can live up to. Ones that convey your personality, your unique vibe, you’re fabulousness or ridiculousness. `
Don’t be sarcastic, or dismissive about whatever app you are on. I know. The questions are bad or painful. The amount of characters will not convey you as you deserve to be conveyed. But if you are negative, or dismissive, or ironic, you risk not coming across well. Because while no one loves the app, those who are intentional about dating are putting themselves out there and investing. Your lack of seriousness will stand out, and send the wrong message. One of disrespect.
Do —be clever. Be real. Be funny if you’re funny. Be nerdy if you’re a nerd. Reveal something about yourself. Be vulnerable. The app is a vehicle. It’s not your enemy. It’s an opportunity.
Don’t feature photos of children if they are not your children. It’s okay to post your nieces and nephews, but consider whether you might want to tag them as such. Some major deal breakers in relationship appear around family; wanting children or not wanting them. Having them and not wanting a partner to bring them to the table. Yes, I get that your friends suggest you portray yourself as nurturing. There will be time for that. You risk alienating the right people with confusing messages about your stance around family.
Don’t post photos that are taken from 1000 yards away, or feature you entire friend group. Don’t post photos of just your dog or your favourite hiking spot, if you are not in them.
Do try to express who you are and what inspires you and what you are looking for. It’s not a perfect system, I get it. But it gives a potential suitor something to work with, a direction.
Don’t be a flake. I mean everyone, everywhere, at some point in time flakes on someone else. But the more you can avoid this the better. Don’t post your profile if you’re not really interested in dating and you’re only seeking validation and attention. If someone is interested enough to ask you out, be kind and treat them with respect and appreciation. We want people to like us. We welcome interest, even if it’s not aligned for us. Whenever we can take a moment to respond, decline, express gratitude, we make the whole process work that much better. We give others the investment that we all deserve. And that makes us quality and it makes us 5 star contenders, regardless of whether they are our personal contenders or not.
Love,
Erin