I have written to you before about resolutions; the whole business of applying resolve to areas of our lives where we struggle, as if degree of resolve was the problem. As if telling ourselves, our friends, the World, a piece of paper or the year 2024 that we are going to do it, have to do it, will increase the force applied to the doing is going to make us happier, healthier, more effective, or solve for whatever has been holding us back. Typically those areas we resolve about are better served with some TLC, compassion, support, help, and gentle untangling.
The resolution is essentially an adversarial process. I will overcome ME.
I, on the other hand, am a big fan of working with ourselves instead of against.
It’s all well and good to want solutions to problems, to want change, to desire a svelte physique or a bigger bank account or fame and fortune or a clean house or a million other things; satisfaction, accomplishment, control. Those aren’t wrong or bad aspirations.
But no one wants to fall short, to boot camp for a week or two and then slippy slide back to wherever we were pre-problem, but slightly more anxious about it.
Resolutions rarely resolve anything.
What if we set up our year differently? if instead of cranking up the force and setting ourselves up to pass or fail, we took a more helpful approach to making our 2024 shine?
From me to you here is a little exercise you can do with a notebook and a pen to breathe a little vision, intention, purpose and joy into your year from a place of generosity and self support.
Step One: 2023 Review
Describe or list 3 favourite memories, days, experiences from this past year.
Name 3-5 things you are proud of accomplishing in 2023.
What did you hope to have happen or accomplish in 2023?
What did you do or get done that you typically don’t acknowledge because it’s routine or expected or mundane or not the stuff of resolutions and lists (or because you forget to acknowledge your efforts in general)?
What was carried over from your hopeful list?
What obstacles, challenges, unforeseen events transpired in 2023?
Take a moment to forgive yourself for not overcoming or resolving or solving the mystery of these “problems” or action items.
Is there something you can take off your list, delegate, surrender, laugh off, or stop expecting from yourself that will free up energy and increase your sense of joy?
Choose the most important from your carry over list; the item that if resolved would give you the most relief
For this item answer the following: Is there support or expertise that you can ask for, seek out, hire, to make the problem or some aspect of it easier to solve?
Can you come up with five micro-steps for approaching the problem, that is, five broken down very small steps that you can take in five minute increments toward your challenging item? Micro steps ease us out of fear and resistance.
Step Two: 2024 Vision
What do you want to carry forward into 2024, create more of?
What are your new or renewed hopes, dreams, desires, intentions for 2024?
How do you want to feel this year? Is there a word or phrase or mantra of sorts that captures this feeling?
When do you most often feel this way?
What is the one thing you most want to have accomplished or resolved by the end of the year?
How can you build support into your year for accomplishing or resolving this item?
Do you have dreams hopes or visions that are too lofty or big to make your list but deserve to be acknowledged or handed over to a higher department?
Is there anything on your always doing not acknowledging list that you can unsubscribe to, in order to free up energy for rest, or to invest in other areas?
When do you most feel inspired, creative, insightful, connected?
Can you build these experiences into your monthly calendar?
Are there any areas of your life you have put on hold for outcomes out of your control (such as, I’ll do this when I have a partner, or once I lose weight, or when I have enough security)? If so choose one you can take off hold and what steps you can take to do so.
Name three things you can let yourself off the hook for.
Name three things you can give yourself more credit for.
To tie this all together, step into the mindset of a loving self parent or guide and write a sentence or a few describing the year you would give to yourself if it was in your power to do so, touching on the experiences you would have and the feelings you would experience.
And lastly let me share today what I have learned from all of you lovelies over the many years:
You have an infinite capacity for healing.
You are inherently worthy of giving and receiving love.
You have profound strength and power within you.
You are meant to suffer less and love more.
From myself and my team here at Dateable may your 2024 be a love story for the ages.
Much love,
Erin